I Didn't Find Love in College; Now What?
Leaving college without a boo can be scary. I went to college thinking I'd get my degree and find love like Megan Good in Stomp the Yard, but 4 years went by, and I didn't meet that special someone. When you hear how that scenario worked out for others and not you, you begin to question yourself. I've wondered if instead of dating the first guy I met should I have stayed available for a while or went out more. Maybe I should have taken my grandma's advice and dressed up and bit more - just a ton of what ifs.
After you graduate, the dating pool becomes larger. It's an advantage if you’re over the dating scene in your area, but the downside is the dating pool at times can feel too large. At least in college, there is a hub of people to pick from. For example, if I was interested in a 20 - 23-year-old educated black male he could very well be walking past my dorm. Having what you're looking for in a narrowed environment makes things a lot easier and more likely for romance to spark.
In the real world, everything is so unpredictable and widespread. There are so many people you have to sift through and circumstances that have to be aligned. Things that I wasn't worried about in college are now factors in dating. It feels like more has to come into play when meeting someone. It makes me wonder how and when I'll end up meeting the guy for me.
When I find myself or someone close to me becoming wary of the fact that "IT" hasn't happened for us yet I focus on the pros. One pro for me is using my time to do things that I believe are best to do before getting into a serious relationship. I knew I wanted my own apartment. I come from a family that believes as long as you live in their house there will be rules despite your age. Imagine having to explain to a 20+ year -old you're not allowed to do certain things. That ain't cute and I’d understand if no one wanted to date me under those circumstances. It was vital for me to become my own woman before becoming someone else's. Also, getting my own place has made me better with money and tidier.
Another pro is I have time to get financially stable. Not saying that you have to be financially stable to get married, but it does help A LOT. Getting a decent job right out of college is tough, and students loans can be a lot to take on. Some couples are faced with severe financial issues as soon as they say "I do". When it comes my time to get married, I don't want what should be a joyous season in my life to be dampened by financial woes if I can help it. It's in my best interest to do my part in getting my finances together now. It works out for myself as a single woman, but also for my future relationship so I can come to the table with a high credit score, savings and being financially literate.
I also remind myself that timing is everything. I had a boyfriend in college that I thought I'd marry one day and now I'm not sure what made me feel that would have been a great idea. When I think over our relationship I'm ashamed at how immature we were. It's funny because at the time of our relationship I thought I was 100% ready for a serious relationship and I was not. What I learned is sometimes when we aren't as ready as we think we are. It’s no point in wishing for something if you’re not ready. It’s way better to wait and receive it when you’re in a space to do so cause trust me getting things before it’s ready is a hot mess.
Your love life doesn’t end after college. Everyone has their own timeline and although it might not always feel great, going with the flow of your timeline is what’s best. If not you’ll spend years wasting time and unpacking self inflecting pain from situations you put yourself in because you couldn’t practice patience. Choose wisely.