The Truth About Money And Relationships
Finances are not sexy. When you think about the type of man you want "financial stability" might be on the list, but it's not something that a lot of people go in depth about. I would always kind of glossed over it as if it was a given, until recently. A lot of my friends are happily booed up, but are also facing financial struggles and it's causing me to take a closer look at money as it pertains to relationships.
I think a part of the reason that people divorce over finances is because they are afraid to talk about it. In society we treat people who talk about wanting to make more money or wanting to be in a financially stable relationship as if they as if they have a heart full of greed. The irony is when it comes to marriage many of us daydream about having the wedding of our dreams and getting to exchange heart felt vows and the finest rings with our love. We think about getting to decorate the different rooms in our first home together. We can't wait until we get pregnant and get to share our pregnancy pictures on the gram. As we are swept away in our daydreams we easily forget that all of those things can be very costly. It is easy to forget all of the elements it takes to form a big picture. I've started to dissect some of my desires and calculated what it will take to bring them to life.
Money is not evil; falling in love with it is. We have to stop dancing around the subject of finances, because truth is a lot of the things we want in life costs money. One of the struggles I think women have to face when it comes to money is being labeled. If you want a man who has money you are called a gold digger. If you date someone without money you are called a fool. If you make a lot of money people assume you're one of those "I don't want/need a man" types. I've had to learn to be unapologetic about wanting someone who is financially stable. We are in our early 20's and I totally understand if you aren't pulling major bank yet, because you are just now getting a foot into your career or furthering your education. That I can deal with; but I can't deal with living in poverty and having financial issues hovering over our relationship like a dark cloud. Money used the right way provides as form of freedom. There are a lot of things I want to enjoy with my future King. I want to go on dates, road trips, have get togethers and so much more without being worried about the lights getting cut off or having to move back in with one of our parents.
But it's not all on the guys, ladies. I hear single women all the time talk about what type of wedding they want and all the things they hope their future husband will buy for them and yet their finances are all out of wack. I do view men as the provider, but to me that doesn't give me a "don't contribute" free card. They say the best way to find the one is to become the one. To me that looks like getting financially stable as well. This is not only good for myself as a single woman, but for my future boo so that I can afford to take him on dates and buy his wedding band. Also just educating myself on finances is a major key because someone is going to have to handle all of the finances in the home and who's to say my future husband will be financially savvy.
Like I said talking finances ain't sexy, but you can't meet your basic needs let alone your biggest dreams without money. It's totally okay for you to want the house, wedding and dog, but you must be willing to put in the work to get those things. Learning all of these things about finances and relationships has reminded me that I should use my singleness purposefully. A lot of times when we are single we are way more busy trying to get out of it than we are using the time to learn whatever it is God wants to teach us during this season. After seeing what not knowing much about money can do to a relationship I'm definitely happy it's something that has been brought to my attention as a single woman while I can more freely learn and rack up. I've even learned more in depth questions I should ask a guy before moving too fast like what are his spending habits and does he have debt. These aren't the most romantic questions, but they are just as important as asking someone if they want children. Remember money isn't everything, but you for sure can't live off of love.