Meeting A Good Guy Doesn't Always Mean A Happily Ever After
“Lord just please send me a good man.” That’s a prayer that is often said after a relationship sinks. You start day dreaming about a guy who actually listens, is kind, has manners and the list goes on. After countless disappointments, meeting a good guy can feel like seeing a dream come true.
I remember when I met him. It was like a movie scene where everything goes into slow motion and all attention goes to one character. I remember being in shock that someone like him was on my campus this whole time and yet I was just now meeting him. He was a light skinned unicorn. He is smart, but not just book smart he could hold intellectual conversations and he had common sense. I could tell he was listening when I spoke. Based on how he carried himself I could tell he had good values instilled into him. Did I mention he is FINE and humble? I was sold.
So, we ended up in a long lasting relationship and did things like book discussions and chill and visited museums to learn about more African-American history. We took road trips in which he forced me to try new things. He taught me how to cook chicken and I taught him how to embrace his create side. We learned together and grew together.
At least that's what it seemed like we would do. In reality, I liked him on and off for 2 years just to learn the hard lesson that as great as he is, he wasn’t MY great guy. I’m a logical thinker and all my logic told me that together we made sense. We had a lot of the same values, even with our disagreements we helped each other grow. I don’t think I’ve ever liked a person as long as I liked him. We got along. We liked hanging out. So why didn’t it work?
Honestly, I think it was a number of things, but the main things were he didn’t see me in that way as much as I saw him. Then I started to really value the idea of being with someone who is my best friend and although I value him, he’s not my best friend nor did he ever put in effort to be. What I want in a guy began to mature and cement. Rejection and my new desires changed my feelings towards him. It’s a sucky situation because it can be difficult coming across a good person. That’s the reason I think that many of us assume when we do meet a good person, that person is meant for us, but that’s not also true.
Going through this experience has taught me that a good relationship takes many components to work. It’s takes physical attraction, mental attraction and an emotional connection. Chemistry. It also has taught me that whoever you end up with won’t always “make sense” or be exactly how you expected. My grandparents didn’t have jobs or their own home when they got married and recently tons of people were giving speeches of admiration of their love and their luxurious lifestyle. One of my married friends told me she didn’t like her husband in that way for a year or so. A lot of people question why Beyoncé (someone deemed very beautiful) married Jay-Z (someone who is deemed unattractive).
So, when you pray for a man be specific. Don’t just pray that a good man comes into your life, pray for your good man. A man that is good, but was specially created with you in mind. And be open to him maybe not fitting exactly into your vision. That doesn't mean to settle. It means be open even when you expected someone suave, but they are awkward or someone who lives in another state. Don't allow changes like that to stop you from getting your blessing. Remember God has a plan for us and although we might have the best intentions with our decision-making if what we envision isn’t what God’s envisions what makes sense according to our plan won’t make sense according to His.