What If I Want More Than A Mediocre Life?
I read a blog post titled What if All I Want is a Mediocre Life? by Krista O'Reilly Davi-Digui. It was a beautiful article in which Krista expressed that she's okay with enjoying a life full of simple things, instead of joining the rat race of always trying to get ahead.
"What if I never really amount to anything when I grow up—beyond mom and sister and wife?"
Krista's words inspired me, not only because it got me to thinking that maybe I should use my platform for a place to display my own vulnerability, but because it also made me question my life. What if I want more than a mediocre life? I hate to use the term "mediocre", because who's to say what mediocre is? Anyway, I love my vivid dreaming and excitement for my future, but sometimes I wonder if I was asking for too much. Am I wrong because although like Krista, I do see the importance in being a wife, mother and friend, I don't see who I am ending just there?
Truth is, I've never desired a completely simple life. When I was a kid I wasn't sure what I was going to do, but something in me knew that it wouldn't be as simple as what Krista desires. When any one would ask I would just describe all of the makings of an entrepreneur without saying the word (because I didn't know it at the time). I come from a simple, traditional family. I always thought I was the strange one. I could tell at times that my ramblings about my dreams made a few people uncomfortable.
Although I have a PR degree, sitting in a cubicle inside of a firm isn't in my plan. I have tons of entrepreneurial ideas that light up my brain daily. Negus Graduate is just one of them and I even have ideas for expansion for it. I am constantly yearning to see my ideas brought to life. On top of that I want to be a writer of books, plays, this blog, webseries or whatever else I can get my hands on to change the black narrative. I want to work with Chance the Rapper, Issa Rae and get into the Arkansas Hall of Fame. I want to eventually get my MBA so that I can become a professor for a short period of my life and help other creatives with their dreams.
When it comes to a relationship passion is a must. I want one of those "I get what God meant we He said two shall become one" type of relationships because he's way across the room not even talking but I can feel his energy. I want to no longer have to keep my ocean of emotions trapped inside, because it's "too much." I want a man that will appreciate that I am a multifaceted woman that is goofy, sexy, adventurous, safe, introverted, awkward and more wrapped into one. I want my husband to be more than an Average Joe, but someone who is also making a difference and inspiring others and I'll finally know what it's like to be with someone that you are proud of and admire. I want a 100% faithful relationship, because to me cheating is not the norm.
Don't get me wrong I am appreciative of the simple things in life. It's just not everything I want in life fits on the "simple" spectrum and when I tell some people I am met not so supportive comments. "Do you really think YOU are gonna get a man like that" or "How are you going to do that when you're introverted". It makes me question if I'm dreaming too big or am I even good enough to have these desires. My friends who want simpler things in life seem to get them a lot easier and quicker. Should I see things as they do? I battle with the thought of if what I want is unreasonable and will lead me to a life of loneliness and failure. What if I'm just being high maintenance and end up missing out. On the other hand, I wonder if these are the desires that God has placed within me. Maybe God wants me to wait and strive for these things. If I do anything less the feeling of settling will eat me alive.
I've been accepting that we all have a purpose and some are more on the front in and some aren't, but they are all important in their own way. Since God wouldn't gift me to be a passionate, creative, idea-making person just to punish me for having these desires. Also I shouldn't let others standards of life make me feel bad because I might have seemingly lower or higher expectations. I shouldn't feel bad for form my own defintion of a great life when it's mine to live. I'm working on it, because I'm looking forward to the life that God has for me and you should, to simple or not.